This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 19, 2021
February 12
mfs be like "feb" cuz they can't spell februawary
β Ω (@imakayIa) February 13, 2021
It's been two days & im still losing it over this pic.twitter.com/tptRIgqU9v
β ambrr (@amberharlow__) February 13, 2021
Just taking a moment to enjoy this comedy of errors again pic.twitter.com/rqVnPKi4pE
β Jessica Baker πβ¨ (@JessBoneBreaker) February 12, 2021
You know who doesn't get impostor syndrome? Cats. Not only does every cat know they're a cat, I think every cat believes firmly, with conviction, that they are the best possible cat, the prime example of a cat, the most cat a cat could be.
β Jennifer Adcock, RPG Designer (@JenKatWrites) February 13, 2021
1998: "i don't like this silly pop star Britney."
β No investigation, no right to speak β‘οΈπ₯π€¦π½ββοΈ (@EvelKneidel) February 12, 2021
2003: "actually this 'Toxic' song is kinda good"
2021: "Comrade Spears is in the vanguard."
when someone ghosts you, respect the dead & move on.
β β₯ briancΓ©e β‘ (@yungchipotle) February 12, 2021
agab: assigned gender at birth
β not sara (@smithsara79) February 12, 2021
my brain: all gender are bastards
Trudeau sends Valentine cards to all 1.4-million Indigenous people https://t.co/DlJOIYFKjN
β Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) February 13, 2021
February 13
β place where cat shouldn't be (@catshouldnt) February 14, 2021
how's the govt going to give ME a credit score when they're 27 TRILLION in debt????? handle ur own bbygirl
β bre coleman (@brejcoleman) February 13, 2021
The most American thing I can think of is that 57 people voted to convict and 43 voted to acquit, and the 43 people won
β Margaret Owen, Temporary Hermit (@what_eats_owls) February 13, 2021
β Uncle That's Really Just Your Dad's Friend (@facebookvillain) February 13, 2021
the cOST???? of LIVING??????? has anybody even said that out loud lol
β nat "cops break laws to terrorize/intimidate" puff (@LeftAtLondon) February 13, 2021
Maybe a bunch of 25-year-old white male slave owners were not the most brilliant systems designers to walk the planet. Maybe we should finally actually have that conversation.
β Woke But Petty (@marcformarc) February 13, 2021
Maybe some of us have spent our lives engineering better governance structures and have some thoughts
β Dudes Posting Their W's (@DudespostingWs) February 13, 2021
same thing pic.twitter.com/tZkkEWVUsW
β italians mad at food (@ItalianComments) February 13, 2021
February 14
extra virgin olive oil?? no thank you.... i want the olives that have fucked
β chuuch (@ch000ch) February 14, 2021
Absolutely losing my mind pic.twitter.com/3oi6gNkNTr
β Hall...er...BackGirl (@TheHallWay1) February 14, 2021
By owning like 50% of entertainment properties pic.twitter.com/N07hsDZ5bD
β Ed Zitron (@edzitron) February 14, 2021
I have no words pic.twitter.com/KYelxvb7VO
β holly π¦ (@hollywheeler_) February 14, 2021
One day I'm gonna write a book about a recipe blogger that confesses to murder in every single recipe on their website but they never get caught because no one reads the 12 pages of text before the recipe.
β Dea Poirier (@deapoirierbooks) February 14, 2021
valentines halloween
β κ§Madimoiselleκ§ (@drivingmemadi) February 14, 2021
π€
chocolate and pretending
She was fuckin that shit UP ππππ https://t.co/DsRm8QS2hO
β WeOutchea (@WeOutcheaAgain) February 14, 2021
Absolutely losing it at this pic.twitter.com/61ptSDGjql
β Sniper Monkey (@_blutgang) February 15, 2021
???? pic.twitter.com/gQhQbj35Ru
β Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) February 15, 2021
February 15
the hot pocket when you get it out of the microwave pic.twitter.com/tfEPNOIgJL
β the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing) February 15, 2021
IF I SAY GOODNIGHT AND AN HOUR LATER YOU SEE ME ONLINE IT'S NOT THAT I LIED, IT'S JUST THAT I FAILED
β AKIN (@Akinjoshua2017) February 16, 2021
I asked my students today what keeps them motivated. One of them said "spite."
β Dr. Chris Jones, pickle friend (@ProfChrisMJones) February 15, 2021
You ever think about your 3 irl friends who follow you on Twitter and how they wish they didn't know all of this
β Wile E. Peyote (@e_peyote) February 16, 2021
Queering the workplace by reading "MS Excel" as "Miss Excel"
β Alex (@hellohubbard) February 15, 2021
when u stop using the big light and start using lamps instead u really never go back
β zach (@xyzachh) February 15, 2021
Me: "yeah when I was homelessβ"
β πMilfshake Monroeππͺ (@peachmilfshake) February 15, 2021
Some fucking liberal: " oh you mean houseless****"
Me: πππ
Any time a friend recommends their therapist it's like... I've seen their work. Not for me.
β Justin Clark (@justinhclark) February 16, 2021
SHE'S DOING WHAT? pic.twitter.com/rjjJlXnWro
β Patrick: Year Of The Rascal (@lunch_enjoyer) February 15, 2021
The bank says I can't afford a $950 mortgage so I pay $1400 a month in rent instead.
β Kat π€ (@KatMeanJean) February 15, 2021
February 16
i come before you with a humble idea pic.twitter.com/Pc7MMkk2Qw
β hawk's little weirdchamp (@D3KUDESTR0YER) February 16, 2021
She ate him up so fast π pic.twitter.com/bGS94RslGy
β Victor Carlesi (@VictorCarlesi) February 16, 2021
when someone messages me a minute after i login to work pic.twitter.com/foRCFOvDxa
β PubicZirconium, p.p. (@PubicZirconium) February 16, 2021
This is in the last 6 months in new earth weather pic.twitter.com/1vtDKZHm1I
β C.M. Guatemalan Chkn Wings (@cmrtyz) February 16, 2021
February 17
Reading the news is like when you open the closet and everything falls on your head even a bowling ball
β Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) February 17, 2021
#RIPRush pic.twitter.com/niEamqQC8o
β Mr. Victor Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) February 17, 2021
That'll do, pig.
β Christine Nangle (@nanglish) February 17, 2021
any tv writers interested in working on Emily in Paris season 2? One of our writers (Rush Limbaugh) just died unexpectedly this morning so we're hiring
β abby govindan (@abbygov) February 17, 2021
Whenever you criticize a person who just died, you always get the response, "How would you feel if someone was happy *you* died?" Which, I dunno. I'd be dead. But also, if thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people are happy I died, it possibly means I did fucked up shit.
β Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) February 17, 2021
Trying to live my life in a way that "Rest In Piss" doesn't start trending within 5 minutes of people learning about my death
β Barred and Boujee (@AudreLawdAMercy) February 17, 2021
The ideal life is being born in 1947 being age 20 in 1967 to fuck in a field and take LSD and then buy a house for $5000 after walk into a bank to get a job and impress them with your third grade reading level and then die before 2001 with your well hedged investment portfolio
β LORD strike me down (@godisgood420) February 18, 2021
If someone shrunk their kids today they'd be cancelled, straight up
β Kyle Harris (@heykyleharris) February 17, 2021
Netflix be like "we know exactly what movie you talkin bout but we ain't got it lol"
β The Emperor (@GiftedAsia) February 18, 2021
the notes app apology is the most significant new literary genre of the past decade
β actually it's good (@yungchomsky) February 18, 2021
People with dishwashers have had a different quarantine
β Blair Socci (@blairsocci) February 18, 2021
February 18
It's Blame Your Daughter At Work Day.
β Carl Quintanilla (@carlquintanilla) February 18, 2021
I'm sorry, but if you've never dropped your kids off in Cancun for a play date during a pandemic and a humanitarian crisis in your home state that's probably because you're just a liberal Hollywood elitist with no values.
β Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 18, 2021
My children asked to travel abroad during a global pandemic. Wanting to be a good parent, I said, "That's ridiculous."
β Esther Choo MD MPH (@choo_ek) February 18, 2021
Finding out ted cruz's daughters are 10 and 12 makes this story even more unhinged
β Natalie Walker (@nwalks) February 18, 2021
what Ted Cruz just did is what every wealthy person's response will be to climate catastrophe.
β Polyamorous Tantric Sex Guru (@BethLynch2020) February 18, 2021
wtf was this statement???? pic.twitter.com/JSwhMJVCRi
β Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) February 18, 2021
I feel like I owe @tedcruz an apology. When he voted against sending aid to my home state of New Jersey after Sandy I accused him of only caring about Texas. I was obviously wrong.
β Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) February 19, 2021
While doing some research on the Seinfeld porn parody I learned some interesting things about the actor who played "Crammer." pic.twitter.com/ALvNImt6P1
β Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) February 19, 2021
Thanks for sharing Barb. pic.twitter.com/SHuPCDiCD5
β πΈβ¨ πΎπ£ππππͺ ππ¦ππππ₯ β¨πΈ (@420mercymain) February 18, 2021